The Final Moments

Note: This article was prompted by a post I read by Parker, Amazing Grace, on the blog, Racing Towards Joy. I wrote it a few days ago, but decided to publish it today in light of the tragedy in Oklahoma. All of our hearts are heavy for the families that lost their homes, and especially for those who lost loved ones. Our prayers go up for them. We never know when we will face our final moments with those we love, so let's use all of our moments in ways that are wholesome and healthy.

The Final Moments

“Today begins a new battle. One I cannot even define yet.”

With these words a young man named Parker faces the impending death of his close friend and godfather, Ray Jack, while also continuing to process the sudden death of his father only eighteen months before.

Parker continues, “I have few words right now. Here's what I do know. I know Ray Jack loves me. I love him. I know the Lord loves Ray Jack and I know the Lord loves me. I know if the Lord takes Ray Jack soon, I will see him again, but I will miss him greatly. Ray Jack is and has been a strong voice in my life. A very dependable and honest voice. A voice of experience. A loving, caring voice.” http://www.racingtowardsjoy.com/2011/02/amazing-grace.html

While reading Parker’s story I thought of Joseph as he faced the impending death of his father, Jacob. When he was told, “Your father is ill,” Joseph took his two sons straight to their grandfather for what could be their last visit together.

Jacob’s eyesight was poor. “Who are these?” he asked Joseph of his two boys. “They are the sons God has given me.” Joseph replied. “Bring them to me so I may bless them,” Jacob said. Jacob blessed his grandsons, pronouncing God’s favor over them. He pulled the boys in close to him, embraced them, and kissed them.

From kbcyouth.wordpress.com

Jacob said to his son, “I never expected to see your face again, and now God has allowed me to see your children, too.” It was a great moment for the old man. He went on. “I am about to die, but God will be with you and take you back to the land of your fathers.”

Jacob is old and dying. Joseph is young and longing. He is longing for his father, for more time with him, for some of that “dependable and honest voice” that Parker has experienced with his good friend, Ray Jack, and hopes to draw from again.

God spared Jacob long enough to pronounce final words over all of his sons, and then the time came. When it did, the Bible says “Joseph threw himself upon his father and wept over him and kissed him.” (Genesis 50:1)

Even though Jacob had died, his persona lived on in the lives of his boys. Jacob made his sons promise that they would not bury him in Egypt where he died, but would take him back to the home place and bury him in the family plot, or, in the case of Jacob, the family cave. They honored their father’s voice and fulfilled his request.

Joseph was blessed to have that warning about his dad. There was a narrow slice of time for him to be at his father’s side, embrace him one last time, and receive some more blessings from the strong voice he so respected and admired.

Parker was hoping for some of that same positive experience with his cherished mentor. He wrote, “I hope to discover how to cherish hours, minutes, and seconds. I hope to see another miraculous healing. If I must, I hope to discover how to say "see you later" to someone on their way to see the Father face to face.”

Though we may not have received that message about someone we love, the message that says, “the time is almost here,” we all have someone in our lives that is old, ill, or weak. Does Joseph and Parker’s experience prompt us to be at their side? To give them a call? If any old injuries or grievances persist, forgive them. Let the last moments be ones of blessing and honor. Use the final slices of time to revel in the dependable and honest voice that gave you strength in the past, and can continue to guide you in the future.

Warren Baldwin

Note: Remember to check out  Amazing Grace and Racing Towards Joy.

Culture of Chastity #2

Culture of Chastity #2

In part one I described a culture of chastity as an environment where we encourage each other to make choices that are safe, wise, and godly. Some people would disagree with that, saying, “What I do is my business, not yours. If you don’t approve of what I do for fun, too bad.”

But, what you do for pleasure is my business, and what I do for pleasure is your business. If your pursuit of pleasure involves risky dating relationships and moral behavior, is that really only your concern? What happens if there is an unplanned pregnancy, and now a teenage girl is seeking public assistance? Her pleasure has now become our financial burden. That is our business. What if the father is a deadbeat dad who skips out on his child’s formative years? Instead of being taught discipline and hard work by a responsible father, the boy may learn the perverse ways of the streets, and become a young criminal. If he breaks into my house or yours to steal or do us physical harm, isn’t that our business?

Photo compliments of Amy Free Photography

We haven’t thought through this notion of  “my pleasure is my business, not yours” very thoroughly. When the rest of society is required to pay the bills and pick up the pieces of someone else’s misbehavior, it is very much our business. But, the issue is even bigger.

As Christians, we are called to model the very life of Jesus Christ. The life of Jesus was one of thoughtful concern for others, seeking their best interests, and disciplining, even subjecting, his own needs and wants to the best interests of others. His physical hunger was set aside in the interests of addressing the spiritual hunger of the woman at the well (John 4). Jesus didn’t know about any self-indulgent autonomy; he knew about community. In community, we think about what is best for everyone, not just self. And, the author of this community was God. Jesus came to do the will of the Father, and that will was to serve others.

Our culture is one of seeking our own interests. God’s culture is one of seeking the interests of others. What Lauren was trying to do with her friend M was introduce him to the culture of a godly community where we are concerned about the personal and moral choices of other people. She doesn’t want M or anyone else to make the right moral choices just because we might have to pay their bills if they get a disease, have an unwanted pregnancy, or have their child end up in prison. She wants people to make the right moral choices because it is the right and moral thing to do. And by challenging M to stay home on Friday night, and by following up with a phone call on Saturday, she is presenting her friend with a new culture.

It is hard to be chaste and moral in any age, not just this one. Jesus faced this problem in his day. When he rescued an entrapped woman from the clutches of her accusers, he didn’t condemn her, but he didn’t approve of her behavior, either. He said, “Go now, and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11). He was making her accountable in the new culture he was bringing.

Lauren wrote, “M’s email is a reminder. Sometimes adopting chastity is as simple as reading a book ... or attending a lecture, and then making a change in your life. But for many of us, it is the relearning of a basic story. It requires prayer, teaching, work, reformation, even weeping. It requires that we tell each other the story of the gospel, and the narrative of chastity, over and over and over. To embrace chastity is to reconstruct a culture, and the reconstruction of a culture doesn’t happen overnight.” (Real Sex, P.158)

Those of us who are concerned about the options out there for our kids, their friends, their influences, and their choices, are actually concerned about the culture they live in that encourages their selfish pursuit of what makes them happy. As concerned parents, citizens, and Christians, we are then tasked with using our influence, prayer, teaching, and intervention in their lives to reshape the culture that influences their decisions. We want to reform the environment so it is more chastity-friendly for people of all ages. We seek an environment that models the life of Jesus, whose life and ministry did not take from others for his joy, but gave to others for their spiritual and moral benefit.

So if you have a friend that plans on partying Friday night, feel free to tell him you are going to call Saturday morning and inquire about what he did. It really is your business.

Warren Baldwin

Culture of Chastity #1

Culture of Chastity #1

Lauren Winner wrote, “To embrace chastity is to reconstruct a culture, and the reconstruction of a culture doesn’t happen overnight.” (Real Sex, p.158)

Lauren wrote these words in response to an email from twenty-five year old man she calls ‘M’ who had become a Christian only a few years before. The man wrote Lauren about an invitation he received to visit a young woman in her apartment late one night. The invitation was laden with sexual overtones, and he wanted to know what to do. He wanted to go! But, he also knew that going to that woman’s apartment would undermine the spiritual life he was trying to lead now, one of discipline, chastity, and holiness.

M wrote: “I know that as a Christian I’m not supposed to have sex before marriage, but you and I both know I’ve already had sex before marriage. Why shouldn’t I have sex if I’m already ‘used goods’? ... And why should I wait if God forgives anyway? ... I’ve often heard that you should save yourself for your wife, that remaining a virgin will make you a better husband. I’m apparently already destined to be a lousy husband, so what does it matter if I have sex again a few more times?” (P.150)

Before M became a Christian, he lived in a world where it was easy to indulge the desires of the body and satisfy them however he chose. In his letter to Lauren he writes about how easy it is to hook-up with someone for an evening of indulgence, without any promises, commitments, or, apparently, any guilt. That world of bodily satisfaction and pleasure was his culture. His mind and body were oriented toward open, uncommitted encounters with women, and by their expectations and behavior, the people in his world reinforced those expectations.

Our culture is the sights we see, the air we breathe, and the sounds we hear. We can’t shut out much of what goes on in our culture because it is so much bigger than we are and it is so pervasive. Billboard pictures, songs on the radio, advertisements on tv and popular movies all promote a morality that is about self: having fun, being served, seeking pleasure, all for the moment, without long term commitments, without guilt, without consequences. That is our culture. All these images and impressions make their mark in our minds and hearts. Middle school children drink the cool aid of the culture, and their hearts and behavior are constructed along the lines of the cultural mandate: have fun. Don’t wait. Marriage is a long way off, but that boy or girl is here now.

That is part of the tension M was facing. He is a young Christian man trying to live chastely is a culture that laughs at discipline, morality, and purity. What is he supposed to do? How does he resist? Why should he take sexual purity seriously when so much of the world seems not to?

That is why M emailed his friend, Lauren Winner, author of the fabulous book Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity. Lauren wrote M back, challenging him to not go to the woman’s apartment, and then saying she was going to call on Saturday morning and ask him what he did on Friday night ... That is a bold move. More than that, it is an affront to our cherished notions of autonomy and self-choice. M could easily respond to Lauren, “It is none of your business what I do” or “Who do you think you are crossing a line like that! I asked for your opinion, but I didn’t invite your intrusion into my affairs, such as you grilling me about who I sleep with.”

Photo compliment of Jhen Stark Photography

Lauren’s challenge to M is unexpected and unwelcome in our culture today. But it is also a very needed corrective. She is trying to change the culture in which we all live and function. We have grown so accustomed to the sexual jokes and messages, the explicit advertisements and the raw Hollywood presentations of sexuality, that we accept it as the norm. Further, many of us Christians have also bought into present notions of independence, autonomy, and pleasure seeking. “What I do is my business, not yours. If you don’t approve of what I do for fun, too bad.”

But, what you do for pleasure is my business, and what I do for pleasure is your business. Do you believe that? If not, please check back for part two of this article. Also, feel free to leave comments about your thoughts. Thank you,

Warren Baldwin

Philip Jacob Spener: The Father of Small Groups

Philip Jacob Spener #1

The Father of Small Groups

I’ll wager many of us have never heard the name Philip Jacob Spener before. But, at one time, he was a popular and much-sought-after preacher.

Spener preached in the 1600s in Germany. He preached during a time of intense political and religious debate. So intense was the debate that governments and churches went to war. Literally. Religious issues wedded to political concerns led to the killing of millions of people. In one war lasting three decades, and appropriately called the Thirty Years War, some 8 ½ million people were killed in Germany alone. In a time when we are alert to and cognizant of the merging of political and religious issues by other religious groups, we must never forget our own inclinations and excesses in this area.

Philip Jacob Spener. Photo from Wikipedia

Following the Thirty Years War, when nearly every German could count a family member or friend who had died by violence, famine or abuse, the average citizen was weary and disillusioned by politics and religion. Neither the government nor the church seemed very concerned about the welfare of the average Joe. Many Germans still went to church, but they also felt a certain disconnect to spiritual things. Drinking became the preferred activity of many.

In this environment young Philip Jacob Spener took up his Bible and began to preach. After many years he saw little or no change in the spiritual outlook and life of the average church goer. Worldly activity was still much preferred to the spiritual by more people than Spener liked. He wrestled intensely in study, thought and prayer as to how to change this situation.

In time, Philip Jacob Spener developed a number of ideas for spiritual renewal, six of which he presented in a book entitled, Pia Desideria, or pious longings. His first proposal was that “Thought should be given to a more extensive use of the Word of God among us.”

As much as Spener believed in preaching from the pulpit, he said more exposure to the Bible was needed if the Word was going to teach reprove, correct and train Christians in righteousness. He proposed three ways in which scripture can be given life in the body. One, families should be encouraged to read the Bible daily in the home. Two, the public reading of scripture in a Christian assembly at times other than the public service. Entire books should be read, with little or no commentary provided. Three, the initiation of apostolic meetings patterned after those of 1 Corinthians 14:26-40. Such occasions would allow for those other than ordained ministers to read and comment on scripture, and those with questions or doubts would be free to express them.

Spener envisioned members in these meetings being open and honest with their ideas and struggles. This would bind the members together, but it would also make them targets for those inclined to exploit such vulnerability. Thus, he cautioned care and diligence will be needed to guard against and weed out any who were troublesome.

Really, what Spener is describing with these apostolic meetings are simply small, informal groups of believers that would meet to discuss the Bible, spiritual things, and personal needs that the body could assist with. Spener hoped the revival of these meetings would provide such beneficial results as allowing ministers to get to know their members’ spiritual strengths and weaknesses, develop trust between ministers and members, and provide members an opportunity to exercise their gifts.

Spener's ideas were revolutionary in 1675 when they were published. They continued to be revolutionary as they were put into practice in Germany, England, and eventually, even the American colonies. I suspect that small groups of Christians meeting today with the express purpose of encouraging and edifying each other would be just as revolutionary and beneficial. What do you think? Can we be as proactive as Spener in promoting the preaching of the Word and the growth of Christians? If so, I’m sure we’ll experience, like Philip Spener, the full measure of God’s power at work in our lives and churches.

Warren Baldwin

Lonely in Marriage

Lonely in Marriage

After his divorce a man said, “Lying in bed at night next to someone you once promised to love and knowing there is no way to bridge the gulf between you ... is the most crushing loneliness of all.” “If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry,” Chekhov said. Lauren Winner calls this loneliness in marriage “Intimacy alienated.” (From Lauren Winner, Still, p.57). Marriage is supposed to be that relationship where loneliness and isolation are forever banned from our lives. Yet too often couples find these intruders invading their spaces and unsettling their hearts. Why do we experience loneliness in marriage? Here are at least four occasions.

First, when our needs aren’t being met. As much as we all know marriage is about the two of us, and we are to meet each other’s needs, the selfish part of us notices most when we are the ones who are (or at least feel) neglected.

Second, when we are misunderstood. It hurts having our good intentions misread and misjudged and our words misinterpreted. If our own spouse can’t or won’t accept overtures of humor, affection or attention, why even try to reach out?

Third, when we are dishonest. We may get angry or distrustful of a spouse who misrepresents the truth, but our deepest sense of loneliness comes when we are the one who are guilty. Guilt overwhelms our conscience, and we know the gap is our fault. That is the loneliest feeling of all.

Finally, when we sense some distance between us. This distance could be caused by being too busy or being away too much. It could also mean we just aren’t communicating. We can be a great distance apart sitting in the same room. This being physically close but emotionally separated is what the divorced man quoted above calls “the most crushing loneliness of all.”

As painful as loneliness can feel, it is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s like the light on our dashboard signaling something needs attention. Loneliness is a call to alertness and action.

Loneliness may be a signal for us to look for a deeper disconnect in our lives than that which occurs in marriage. The Psalmist often cried out to God from his isolation. When he felt alone, panting for the presence of the Eternal One, he cried out, “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?” He knew the solution: “Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and God.” (Psalm 42:5). Sometimes loneliness in marriage or any relationship could be an indication of disconnection in our most primary relationship: God. Start working here, by putting your hope in God and praising him (Psalm 42:11). No human relationship can displace or supersede the saving relationship we have with the Creator, so start working here.

There are also things we can do to work on the sense of distance we have with our spouse. Our needs often aren’t met because we aren’t meeting the needs of our spouse. There is an amazing reciprocal affect in seeking to please another and finding that good will coming back to us. Change the focus from receiving to giving. Being misunderstood isn’t a call to quit communicating but to learn to communicate more effectively. Sometimes the fault lies with the one who is listening but isn’t hearing; often it lies with the one who is speaking but hasn’t looked for the apt word (Proverbs 25:11). Dishonesty is overcome by telling the truth. The pain of honesty has greater hope for healing than the distrust caused by lying. The gap of emotional distance is closed when we seek the good of our spouse, communicate lovingly, and are truthful.

Photo compliments of Heather Hummel Photography

When I shared the quote from Chekhov, “If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry,” with a lady’s Bible class, one wise older woman told me, “When you feel separation from your spouse, devote yourself to the other’s interests.” Paul’s remedy for separation in a church could apply to a marriage: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4).

Hopefully we will never experience “the most crushing loneliness of all.” But, even if we do, the emotion doesn’t have to crush us or end the marriage. It can call us to greater care and devotion to the companion we have pledged our life to.

Warren Baldwin

Thomas Kelly: Success Born in Failure

Thomas Kelly: Success Born in Failure

Thomas Kelly was born in southwest Ohio in1893 to a devout Quaker family. He was an excellent student, graduating in 1913 with a degree in chemistry. But, science was not where his heart was moving him. He began graduate studies in Philosophy at Haverford College, and also studied medieval Christian mystics. Thomas’s varied interests caused him to change his master’s work to theology. He wanted to preach and do mission work in Japan.

Thomas Kelly, a Quaker and a pacifist, was drafted to serve in WW1. Being a pacifist he refused to carry a weapon, but was allowed by the government to work in a military canteen. Later, he was given a job inspecting prisoner of war camps for German soldiers. Thomas was perceived to be too friendly to the German POWs, so he was sent home for a lack of patriotism.

Picture of Thomas Kelly is from the Hay Quaker Blog

Thomas decided ministry wasn’t for him, but the life of an academic seemed attractive to him, so after finishing his theological studies he enrolled at Hartford in the Ph.D. program. The stress of study and ministry took its toll on Thomas, and he suffered a breakdown. Unfortunately, that breakdown occurred during the oral exam for his Ph.D. It was so severe Thomas could not recall his own name. The professors knew Thomas was capable of passing, so they gave him a second chance, and he did pass, earning the Ph.D. in Philosophy in 1924.

For ten years Thomas taught and did short-term missions, but his heart yearned for more graduate work. He set his sights on Harvard. He was accepted, and began work on a second Ph.D. in philosophy. While working on his dissertation Harvard informed Thomas they would not award him a Ph.D. in philosophy since he already had one. Thomas went into a debilitating depression. When he emerged from it, he worked on his dissertation, determined to get that second Ph.D. When it was time for his oral exam, Harvard turned him down a second time.

Over the next two years Thomas taught at two universities, but stress continued to take a toll on him. He suffered with “headaches, allergies, infections and chronic fatigue.” At times his mind went blank. But, two years after his second refusal from Harvard, he convinced the faculty to let him take the oral exam for the Ph.D. in philosophy. The stress was again so great for him that, just like the first time he took the orals for his first Ph.D., Thomas suffered a mental lapse, with confusion and amnesia. He failed, and would never be allowed to apply for the Ph.D. again.

Thomas Kelly felt humiliated by his failure to become the scholar he aspired to be, and he now fell into a depression where he was almost suicidal. Then, inexplicably, Thomas began to emerge from his depression with a vision and purpose he never had before. He described his experience as falling “into the hands of the living God.” He said he was “wholly uprooted from all earth-born securities and assurances,” and was overwhelmed with God’s healing love.

Thomas made a mission trip to German in 1938 to work with suffering people. He discovered a depth of intercessory prayer he never before experienced, and his heart burned with passion to minister to the terrible wounds of the world. Thomas brought this fervor back to his classes in the United States, where he started small groups to teach and mentor spiritual formation.

The love Thomas experienced from and for God helped him overcome his failed ambition for academic fame. Now, he devoted himself to preaching, praying, writing, and loving. He said God broke him from his spiritual pride. Interestingly, this man with one Ph.D. in philosophy, and almost a second one, is not remembered for philosophy. He is remembered for his love and ministry. In his book, Testament of Devotion, Thomas calls for Christians to leave their lives of “strain and anxiety and hurry” to find their home in the love of God.

Amazing, isn’t it, that Thomas’s greatest success was born in the midst of his greatest failure. We serve an amazing God, a God who is ready to do for us what he did for Thomas Kelly. Keep your heart open!

Warren Baldwin
(The information on Thomas Kelly is from The Mystic Way of Evangelism by Elaine Heath, pp.72-77).

Overcoming Brokenness #4

Overcoming Brokenness #4

This is the last of 4 parts on overcoming brokenness. If anyone would like the full manuscript of it, or copies of the recordings, please let me know.

If we are overcome with hurt, shame, self-hatred, and a powerful desire to please others, even to our own harm, how can we change? Was the woman at the well in John 4 able to change? Note what she did.

One, she engaged Jesus. This is a battle-scarred, hard-crusted woman. She had tried the easy solutions, and she had grown suspicious of them. Now, she is talking to this sharp-sounding man she thought was a prophet. But, she wasn’t going to fall for him too easily. She questioned him. She challenged his arguments. She doubted his word and counter-thrusted his arguments. At first sight, we might think the woman was disrespectful. But she was doing what all people on the wrong side of the tracks need to do with Jesus: wrestle with him.

Secondly, the woman found herself believing Jesus. “Come see a man who told me everything I ever did,” she told the people in town. “Could this be the Christ?” Notice what is happening. When we are hurt, when we have self-hate, when we are desperate for love, all of our thoughts are about ourselves. All we think about is what we want, what we need, what we hunger for. We are very selfish.

Jesus broke that cycle of selfish thoughts for the woman. She found him so compelling, so convincing, she couldn’t think of just herself. She was now thinking about Jesus. When you think long-enough and hard enough about Jesus, things begin to change in your life.

Three, the woman began serving Jesus. “Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony.” So overwhelming was the response to Jesus that he changed his plans and stayed two whole days in that town, and many more came to believe.

How do we live healthy lives after our brokenness? We wrestle with Jesus. Honestly deal with him. It is ok to have questions, to wonder if it is true, to counter-thrust. But don’t do it to be a rebel; do it because you are desperate for truth. And if your heart is right, God will reveal the answers to you in your honest struggle. When you wrestle with who Jesus says he is, and you find yourself thinking less of yourself and more about him, you know you are making headway. You are actually starting to believe him.

Finally, serve him. Whole-heartedly. Honestly. Deeply. At this point, you don’t need drugs, or sex, or a man or a woman for your deepest meaning. Jesus is your deepest meaning.

Does it work? Can we find health again?

Jimmy, the young boy from the reservation? He checked himself into a rehab center. That’s not the final answer, but it is a start. He picked God and Jesus as his higher power.

Maria, the girl at the beach? She wound up attending a Christian seminary. “What brought you here” the professor asked her in class. She told her story, then said, “I want to learn Greek so I can read about Jesus in the original language. I want to learn all I can about this guy who could love a girl like me and give her another chance.” (Jimmy and Maria's story was told in part two of this series).

Is it really possible to live well after having experienced the downside of life?

You bet it is, with God’s power in our lives.

Warren Baldwin