EAR PHONE ACCIDENTS

EAR PHONE ACCIDENTS

Be careful what you say on your ear phone.

And be careful how you judge!

Happy Thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

April would have been a good month for the Mayflower to land on the coast of Massachusetts. May, June or July would have been fine, too. The spring or summer months would have given the early colonists time to build shelters and raise or gather food for the tough New England winters. But it wasn’t in these pleasant months that our forebears landed upon this new continent: it was November.

One-hundred and two colonists landed at Plymouth Bay, Massachusetts in November 1620. The colonists came in family units, so there were moms, dads and little children. Settling this great land would be a family enterprise. Most of these early settlers, known at the Pilgrims, were also staunchly Christian in faith.

Their faith would be fiercely tested. Within two months of landing half of the Pilgrims died. In addition to lacking resources in the new land, they arrived here weakened from the long journey.

The spring of 1621 held promise for the settlers. Two Native Americans, Squanto and Samoset, offered their services to teach the Pilgrims how to survive in this fierce, new land. Squanto taught them how to grow corn, and hopefully everyone remembers the story of how he used fish as fertilizer.

The colonists were ready for their second winter in Massachusetts. In addition to the crops they raised the settlers found the forests provided abundant sources of deer, turkey and other wild life for their table. That November our forefathers and some 90 Native Americans pooled their blessings to enjoy a rich array of food and fellowship.

Even though life improved for the Pilgrims after that first fateful November, it doesn’t mean life became easy. Survival in the new land continued to be an immense struggle against disease, harsh winters, food shortages and the inhabitants who already dwelled here. There were also struggles internal to the developing colony, such as communal responsibility. Communal farming (later referred to as “communism”) proved to be ineffective, as those less inclined to work and produce found they could live off of those who were more industrious. Plymouth leaders eventually opted for the land to be divided into smaller lots, with each family given a plot of ground to plant food for their own families. This system promoted personal responsibility and industriousness, and produced more food. Some hard-working farmers even raised surplus crops to trade with the Indians for furs.

The Plymouth experiment was a costly one for the early settlers, but it was a successful one. Their pioneering spirit and hard work prevailed. Their faith in God saw them through. God sustained them. Inhabitants of this land today, now known as the United States, are the rich recipients of their work and sacrifice. We today enjoy an abundance of blessings that those who first came ashore could scarcely envision.

This Thanksgiving I will awaken in a house that is already warm. The yearly ritual of turkey, dressing, cranberry and other fixings will adorn our table by early afternoon. Cheryl and I will enjoy the company of our children and perhaps some close friends. Should we so choose, football or a host of other shows will be available for entertainment. Books lying about the house will beckon to be read. Everything about the day will be pleasant and enjoyable. My experience of November is quite different from that of the Pilgrims in 1620.

So I celebrate Thanksgiving, as do all Americans. And, with a significant number of Americans who claim Christian faith, I not only enjoy the blessings of the day, I try to reserve at least a few moments to remember.

Warren Baldwin

Listen, My Son

LISTEN, MY SON

"Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching." Proverbs 1:8.

Twenty-six times Solomon writes, "my son" followed by an exhortation such as, "Listen my son," or "My son, do not forget ..." Solomon is offering some concrete instruction to bolster his son’s insight and moral conditioning. There is a great emphasis in Proverbs for a son or daughter to listen to what Solomon has to say. His advice is right in line with what Christian parents today tell their kids. There is an emphasis here for children to listen to their moms and dads and to apply the lessons they teach about love, marriage, hard work and honesty.

There is an important lesson for the parents here as well. It is as important for the parents to teach as it is for the children to listen. Our kids can’t listen and they can’t learn if we are not actively instructing them. I think we parents make two grave mistakes when it comes to teaching lessons of life to our children.

Note: The rest of this article is on my Father column at Titus 2 In Action. If you have a chance, please link over there and read the rest of it. This article is a chapter in my book, Roaring Lions, Cracking Rocks and Other Gems From Proverbs. I am having a drawing for three copies of this book, and you can register by making a comment on the post previous to this one. The post is entitled Free Book Give-Away. Please feel free make a comment there. I will announce the winners on Wednesday of this week.

Thanks for reading!

And one more thing ... when I was a kid we used to sing, "We Gather Together" at our church. It may not be a distinctly Thanksgiving song, but I have always associated it with that. Here is a beautiful rendition of that song. I hope the spirit of Thanksgiving, and the wonderful Christian tradition behind it, will live on in this country for many more generations. "Thank you, Father, for our abundant blessings."

Warren

Free Book Give-Away

Free Book Give-Away

I'm at a Kansas Youth Festival in Salina, KS this weekend, a revival and fun-filled weekend for middle and high school youth. Unfortunately, my high school daughter and wife can't be there, but my Wyoming son (a youth minister) and Arkansas daughter (a Harding student) are coming in for it.


As a thank you to all of my readers I would like to give away three copies of my book, Roaring Lions, Cracking Rocks and Other Gems from Proverbs. To register you just have to leave a comment, even something as short as "hi." If you like it you can do a brief review on your blog later, but that is not a requirement (just a wish :).

Here is a picture of someone who seems happy receiving a copy!

This is Larie of My Heart Speaks. Larie writes frank and inspiring posts about her struggle with cancer and some of the emotional issues involved. One thing she asks of her readers - to pray for her!

Here are some pictures of my Harding daughter Jenny with fellow Zeta Rho buddies at a retreat. I have a video of them (there were 90 girls on the retreat) singing in a devotional, and it is beautiful, but I can't figure out how to move the video from FB to the blog. Jenny is on the exteme right in the ZP picture and in the 2nd row, 4th from the right in the other pic. She's on her way home for Thanksgiving!

One more thing. Thanks to Christy Rose for the following award. In passing this on Christy Rose wrote, "I would love to pass this award along to all of my blogging friends and followers who have stopped by and made my day a little brighter by their presence in my blogging world." Christy has a postive, upbeat blog that you will enjoy. Please visit her at Secret Life of An American Wife and Mom.

Have a great weekend! And please register for the book. Thanks.

Warren

WHAT CAN I DO?

WHAT CAN I DO?

"The laborer’s appetite works for him; his hunger drives him on." Proverbs 16:26

"What can I do? He never listens. He won’t go back to school. He won’t get a job that pays enough to cover his bills. He keeps getting money from his father and me. He stays out late. He borrows our car because he can’t afford one, and sometimes we have to call a cab or hitch rides because he doesn’t bring our own vehicle back to us!"

"He is so infuriating! We have two other younger children that we need to give our attention to. We haven’t seen a single basketball game of our high school daughter or our middle school son because we have to drive our oldest son to his part time job, or he has the vehicle, or we are just too upset with him. He is just controlling our lives and I am so tired of it!! What can we do?

"How old is your son?"

"He’s only twenty one years old, so I know he is young and going through a hard time. His father and I just think he needs time to figure out what he wants to do. But we do wish he would go back to college or get a decent job so he can buy his own car. Is there anything we can do?"

"Ok, your son is twenty-one years old, has dropped out of college, and can’t or won’t get a full time job. He lives at home, borrows your car, takes your money, steals your time from your other kids, and disrupts the whole family. Is that it?"

"I don’t mean to make my son sound like a bad boy. He’s a good boy. He’s just young and confused. He’s not sure what he wants to do. He’s finding himself, do you know what I mean? He is so smart and talented. He could be a teacher, a doctor or a gourmet chef if he wanted to. He just can’t decide what he wants to do. What do you think we should do with him?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You think we should do nothing? We have to do something, this is our son! How can we do nothing? That would be bad parenting. We are doing everything we can to help this boy out so he can have a good life. I give him money, I drive him around town, I let him borrow my car. We fixed an apartment for him over the garage because he wasn’t making enough money to get a place of his own. But we are getting tired. Surely there is something we can do?"

"Actually, there is something you can do. Nothing. The best thing you can do for an intelligent, twenty-one year old man who is too directionless or under-motivated to get a real job is nothing. Don’t give him money. Don’t provide his living quarters. Don’t loan him your car or drive him around town. Don’t even give him food. And do not miss another ball game of your younger children because of this man. Do nothing for him."

"I cannot believe you would suggest that we just abandon our son. You call yourself a minister? Doesn’t the Bible say to help those who need help? Our son just needs some help, that’s all. If you can’t give any better advice than this I don’t think I want to hear anything else from you. We are through."

What would happen if mom and dad cut some of the strings attached to this young man? How long would it take before his appetite worked for him?

Warren Baldwin

WORK HABITS

WORK HABITS

Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth. Proverbs 10:4

"A man makes the habits and then the habits make the man." I heard this saying repeatedly for the three summers in college I worked with The Southwestern Book Company in Franklin, TN. Every aspect of our sales career was submitted to scrutiny and evaluation based on this saying. Are you getting up early? Eating breakfast? In the field before 8 a.m.? Making 30 presentations a day? Closing the sale? Explaining delivery procedures? Staying positive? Reading worthwhile material? Seeing the good in your co-workers and customers? Making everyone’s day brighter because they met you?"

At the time many of these behaviors seemed rather trivial. But there was a point to everyone of them. Initially all of the college sales staff had to force themselves to follow proper protocol, maintain a healthy attitude, and warmly greet and treat everyone around us. We endured long hours in the heat, humidity and rain. Rejection, loneliness and even desperation were constant companions as we worked far from home. Failure frequently loomed before us, making ugly faces and discouraging us even more. But there was always someone to remind us, "A man makes the habits and then the habits make the man. If you quit now, will quitting become a habit for you? Will you quit college? Your marriage? Your career? Your kids? Stick to the basic habits of success, gut it out through the summer, and you’ll develop the necessary inner ingredients to succeed at whatever you do."

Fortunate are the kids with parents who teach them principles of hard work, commitment, and endurance. What I learned with Southwestern was but a reinforcement of these principles that were practiced in our home. Mom and dad talked to us about how our appearance, attitudes and behavior would be perceived by future bosses. "If you want a good job in the future, get ready for it now" was the message. Wake up call at 4:30 a.m. to milk cows had a purpose beyond the immediate task: it was training for future work.

Sadly, many kids never learn that the habits they are developing now are making them the men and women they are going to be in the future. Sleeping late, a slovenly appearance, crude talk and failure to turn school work in on time is not preparing them for gainful employment in the marketplace. They are learning habits that are deadly to any kind of well-paying job and satisfying career.

Also, youth that never do any kind of work before high school graduation hinder career building skills, development of diligence, and appreciation for the character it takes to survive in the work place. I like going into a grocery store and seeing high school students stocking the shelves, manning the cash register, and carrying out groceries. They may be using their money to buy a car, go to college or pay for a wedding. But even more, they are building character and developing habits for future success.

Recently, an attorney for a large firm told me that when they hire a new attorney, they ask what the prospective new lawyers did during their high school and college years. The attorneys want to hear that they worked in a fast food restaurant, mowed lawns or washed cars for extra money. They don’t want to hear that their college was financed totally by parents, that they slept late, and watched a lot of TV. Those students, the attorney told me, do not know how to work hard once they get a job. But kids who had to scrape and scrap for every dollar in menial jobs will appreciate and work hard when they land a job with an office.

Success, career satisfaction and wealth-building do not happen automatically, haphazardly, or accidentally. They occur because a serious, sober-minded young man or woman thinks about their lives, develop healthy habits, and work hard over the long haul. Diligent hands and worthy habits are the seeds of success. If developed by age thirteen and fourteen, they will be producing beautiful fruit by age thirty and forty. That fruit will be a job you like and income you can live on. Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.


Warren Baldwin


Note: This picture has nothing to do with the article. I just thought it was neat!

DIVORCE #3: MY HUSBAND CAN'T COMMUNICATE

WHY PEOPLE DIVORCE #3: "MY HUSBAND CAN'T COMMUNICATE"

The second reason Michele Weiner-Davis gives for people divorcing is failure to communicate. But, as the author points out, although women frequently say, "My husband can’t communicate," it is often a case of husbands not communicating in ways their wives can relate to.

Michele cites findings from Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics. According to Tannen, communication is a vehicle for people to achieve either intimacy or independence. Intimacy is the process of bonding together; independence is a process of maintaining separateness.

Communicating for intimacy means to negotiate "complex networks of friendship, minimize differences, (and) try to reach consensus." Communicating for independence means "establishing status ... to tell others what to do." (Marriage Busters, p.47-48).

Would it surprise you that, according to Tannen, women tend to communicate for intimacy and men for independence? Can you see a potential for us to fail to communicate well? Our conversation, without our conscious awareness of it, is seeking to accomplish different ends. Women try to draw closer; men try to maintain boundaries, even distance. Is it any wonder why many wives think their husbands don’t communicate, and why husbands can’t figure out why they would think that?!

This doesn’t mean that husbands are not interested in intimacy, and I don’t mean just physical intimacy, but actual bonding of heart and soul. Husbands just have a different idea about how to achieve it. Where a wife wants to talk openly about thoughts and feelings, a husband is more inclined to do something together. "Men ... don’t use conversation as a way of getting close. Doing things together - participating in activities such as team sports - breeds connection for them." (P.48).

Marriage Counselor Willard Harley confirms this in his book, His Needs Her Needs. He has a hierarchy of needs for husbands and wives for the marriage to stay close and vibrant. Need number two for the wife to fulfill for her husband is recreational companionship. "Men place surprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions. The TV stereotypes paint the opposite picture, showing husbands out with the boys on fishing trips saying, ‘It doesn’t get any better than this.’ My counseling files say it can get a lot better. In fact, among the five basic male needs, spending recreational time with his wife is second only to sex for the typical husband." (His Needs, Her Needs, p.77). If a husband invites his wife to a ball game, a day hike or even a deer hunt, that is his way of saying, "I love you and want to be close to you." It may not have quite the romantic appeal to many wives that a movie and dinner out does, but realizing the husband’s intent may help make the invitation a little more desirable (or at least bearable).

Another problem in communication for men and women is women want to feel understood; men want to fix things. (P.49). I remember years ago Cheryl relating details of a problem relationship to me. I listened and gave a prompt reply about how to handle that rude person. She ignored me and went on providing more details. I gave the same reply, but more emphatically. She ignored me again and went on talking some more. I remember thinking, "Have I not expressed myself clearly enough about how to handle this person?" whereupon I made sure to make myself clear the third time. I even asked, "Haven’t you heard me?" Cheryl then said, "I don’t need you to tell me how to handle this; I just need you to listen to me." My inclination to ‘fix’ the situation missed my wife’s desire that I understand and connect.

Finally, communication becomes problematic when it comes to discussing issues of conflict. It is the wife who generally wants to discuss problems and dissatisfaction within the marriage. When she brings it up, the husband is likely to avoid and withdraw from the conversation, leaving "most women feeling enraged and even more determined to get a reaction, which leads to more withdrawal, and so on." (P.51) Michele quotes a study that shows the masculine and feminine reactions to stress and conflict. Women can sustain greater levels of stress and conflict without losing control; men experience more pronounced physical excitement and agitation. If they don’t withdraw from the situation they can lose control. According to Michele, knowing a man’s inclination to experience a heightened physical response to verbal confrontation and conflict can help a wife in two ways. First, she might feel less feelings of rejection when her husband withdraws. Secondly, she "might act in ways less likely to escalate the dissension." (51)

There is much more to the discussion of communication in marriage, but this may be enough to reach some mutual understanding and appreciation and help facilitate more meaningful conversation. Meanwhile, some may be asking, "What is the husband’s response to the wife’s charge that he doesn’t communicate?" I’ll pick that question up next week!

Thank you for visiting Family Fountain and leaving your valuable comments.

Warren Baldwin

Pics and New Blog

Pics and New Blog

Two pictures of our high school girl's golf team. They took 4th in the state. One picture is at the restaurant the night before. Whether they took first or not, they were going to have a good time.














A new blog has been started that deals with a number of family issues and relationships called Titus 2 In Action. There are a number of writers for it. I have an article posted on the site now on "Fatherhood."

I close with a quote from a great writer: "I used to believe our purpose in life was to find happiness. I don’t believe that anymore. I believe we are all given gifts from our Father and that our purpose is to offer them to him." In Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.

Warren Baldwin

Proverbs Seminar in California

Proverbs Seminar in California

Last week I spoke at a preacher's/church leaders seminar in northern California. My friend, Mike Anderson, invited me. About 30 ministers and church leaders met throughout the 3 days.

I spoke on character issues from Proverbs:
1) Overview of Proverbs & Character Development
2) Key Terms for Character and Wisdom in Proverbs
3) The Dark Side of Leadership
4) Conflict and Character Development

Each of the lessons were oriented toward spiritual leadership. I appreciate all of the men that were present and their support of the seminar! Other men from northern California spoke on related issues.

(Note: I also do family seminars with lessons based on Proverbs: Marriage, Parenting, Character issues, Family in Proverbs, Moral issues, etc.)

Below are some pictures from the seminar. The setting was beautiful to slow down, get away from technology, and focus on spiritual things! (You can click on the pictures to enlarge them).

The picture of the ice on my suburban is in Colorado Springs, CO. I flew out of sunny California into a blizzard in Denver. I couldn't drive my usual route - I-70 east - since it was closed. Instead, I had to go south. Thankfully, fellow blogger Tiffany served as a road service engineer for me. She gave me road reports and told me what road to take to go south and pick up an interstate that was open. I made it home a few hours later than normal, but I did make it!

Below is a picture of another blogger friend, Larie. She recently received a copy of Roaring Lions, Cracking Rocks, and Other Gems from Proverbs" and sent me a picture! Thanks Larie!

Finally, the Titus 2 in Action picture is for a new blog started by Sonya dealing with family issues. There are a number of different writers for this blog, dealing with grandparenting, parenting, and deeper Bible study. Please check it out.

Thanks for visiting and have a great weekend!

Warren Baldwin

Why People Divorce: Long Term Problems

WHY PEOPLE DIVORCE #2: LONG TERM PROBLEMS

Michele Weiner-Davis is a marriage counselor and highly acclaimed author on marriage. Her book, Divorce Busting, is appropriately subtitled, "A step by step approach to making your marriage loving again." Michele shows in this book how many of the reasons people use to terminate their marriage can be overcome with a little more insight into their problems and a purposeful approach to address them.

In my first post on why people divorce a couple of people commented that no matter how hard you may try to save your marriage you can’t do it alone. It takes two people to make the sacrifices and do the work to persevere and make the marriage successful. Others commented that if one spouse is addicted to drugs or alcohol or is abusive that makes a dangerous situation, even impossible, for the other party and the children to live in. I agree with these comments to the previous post, and in discussing how to overcome a number of problems that plague a marriage, I am aware of these other situations. Thanks for the feedback!

One problem Michele identifies in couples ready to dissolve the marital union is that "Our problems have lasted so long, it is too late to change."

Problems can become burdens that indeed seem impossible to bear. Overtime they can exhaust us, demoralize us, and drain all of our reserves.

My two brothers and I miscalculated how long it would take us to climb down Granite Peak in Gila National Forest in southwest New Mexico. In our final climb to the summit I experienced such exhaustion that I fell to the side of the trail and slept. That brief rest restored my energy enough to finish the climb. We so enjoyed the view, climbing in the snow, and snapping photos that we stayed too long. We had only a few hours of light to break camp and descend the mountain to our vehicle. We double-timed it most of the way and still had to walk several miles in total darkness. Backpacks weighed us down, straps cut into our shoulders, and animals on the trail spooked us. But we had no choice, we had to get out.

When we finally reached our vehicle we were totally exhausted. How easy it would have been to have collapsed on the trail, or at least discarded our packs. But we had to much valuable stuff in those packs to lose them, and we had to get out to return to work. We had no choice but to persevere despite total exhaustion.

Marriage can feel like that. Problems, bills, disagreements, annoying behavior and a host of other challenges can bear on us, crushing us under the weight and cutting into us like backpack straps. How easy it would be to collapse under the weight, or discard the weight all together.

But, we have too much valuable time, life and love invested in the relationship to do that. Even when the union seems helpless and exhausting, often the best thing to do is persevere, pressing on to a time when finally we can lay our packs down and rest and reconnect with our partner.

Some of you know from experience that it isn’t as easy as it sounds. Persevering means we have to humble ourselves, forgive, accept forgiveness, love, recommit, work harder, and try to see the best in an often dismal situation. Can it be done? Can even the most trouble-filled marriage ever see sunlight again?

Yes, absolutely. I will briefly suggest three things to do to refocus and, hopefully, recharge our marriages. The first is, try to imagine a brighter future. Michele says that "Most unhappy couples have at least one thing in common: a myopia about the future. They are fixated on the past, primarily on relationship failures over the years ..." (P.42). We open up possibilities for change and growth when we truly believe a better future is at least possible.

Secondly, remember that bad habits and patterns can be changed. Michele shares a couple of stories of how seemingly insurmountable problems were overcome when bad habits were replaced with patterns of behavior that were more thoughtful and respectful of the partner. I would add that we can’t just expect our partner to change; we must be willing to as well. Our change could encourage our partner to do the same.

Finally, commit yourself to following God’s will for your life. Humble yourself to his purpose. Allow his Spirit to work in you and produce the fruit of growth and endurance he promises. When Paul wrote that he could do all things through Christ who gives him strength (Phil. 4:13), he was languishing in a prison cell. A stressed-out marriage may at times seem more confining than Paul’s four-walls, but the same Spirit that refreshed him can refresh us as well.

This suggestions can help most troubled marriages, but they will have to be exercised repeatedly over time. If you are struggling under the weight of the problems, please resolve to take another step, and then another! It may take time and be exhausting on occasion, but envision the day when you and your spouse can set the burden down together and enjoy each other’s company again. I’ve seen it happen many times. I pray it will happen for you.

Warren Baldwin