Guest Marriage Post: Joanne Kraft

Are You a Burden or a Blessing?

The ref blew the final whistle and parents on our sideline cheered our victory—Paul and I cheered for a much different reason. The last day of soccer season is a joyous day for my husband and I, and that Saturday was no exception.


But, before we could get too excited, there was still the team party to attend. I’d printed off a coupon that would give us two large pizza’s for $20.00.

Unfortunately, when my husband made his way through the long line of families at the pizza parlor, he was told by the gal at the register, “You’re total is $38.00.”

“What?” Paul was taken aback, and I was beckoned with a head nod and a fast wave of his hand.

“I thought you said this was going to be only $20.00?”

“Oh no. I left the coupon in the car,” I told him, already trying to head toward the parking lot.

“Don’t bother getting it. Do you see how long this line is? I am not about to make all of these people wait for us,” He replied angrily.

It didn’t help matters when five hours later we were at the grocery store where I’d thought we were eligible for a free turkey. When the clerk charged us for the turkey and explained how I’d confused the deal they were having, my husband was fit to be tied.

As you can imagine, I was not having a very good day and neither was he. When we discussed the incidents later, I apologized and he shared, “I’m having a hard time seeing where you helped me today. You are making mistakes that create a financial burden for me. I know you didn’t do anything intentionally, but these kinds of things are happening a lot.”

He was right. Lately I wasn’t focused on ways I could help him. Sure, I kept the house picked up and made his lunch from time to time, but how was I intentionally trying to make his life easier?

The truth was, I wasn’t.

And the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a companion who will help him."
Genesis 2:18 NLT

God’s Word tells me I was created to be not only Paul's friend, but that I was designed to be a help to him as well. When Paul shared how I had created a burden for him, I felt terrible. And, I admit…there were a few tears. He is my best friend. I want his life to be easier when I’m a part of it, not more difficult.


It got me to thinking, how can I be a help to him? As his wife, I shouldn't be his burden-maker, I should be a bearer of his blessings.

I thought I’d share a few ways I’ve learned to be a blessing instead of a burden to the man God intentionally created me for.


· Follow-Thru. I have quite a few to-do's on my housework list. Many of which I've shared with my husband; organize our closet, clean out our pantry, clean the bonus room, go through the kids old clothes. It's time I became a woman of my word and began to tackle a few of those tasks. After all, he was thrilled when I organized our silverware drawer. I'm sure he'd be elated to discover his socks all in one place again.


· Focus. Quite often I give my husband only one ear when he's talking to me. It's frustrating for him to share a story when I ask him to repeat himself over and over again. Focusing on what I'm doing also helps me to remember coupons in the car and read the fine print about turkey sales at the grocery store.


· Find. Find ways to help. Now, each morning I try to ask, "What can I do to help you today?" You'll be amazed to discover how your husband appreciates being asked this question.


· Fill. My words can be life-giving when I fill my mouth with inspiration and encouragement. There is nothing more taxing on a man than a woman who nitpicks and complains. I need to fill my husband’s ears with those life-giving words.


· Fun. When Paul wants to relax and have fun—I want to be who he thinks of first. For fun I take him out for a coffee date, walk up and surprise him with a kiss and a cuddle, or leave a sticky-note somewhere on his office desk at home. I’ve even surprised him with ice cream and a movie in bed.

So many families today are struggling to keep their financial heads above the rising economical tide. It is no surprise that it's one of the biggest stressors in a marriage. Whether your husband is sensitive to finances in your home, a new job situation, or is just over-worked and stretched to his limit, you are his helper, the one God created to stand shoulder to shoulder and carry the load together.

How about you? Is there a way you can bless your spouse today?


Joanne Kraft

Joanne is passionate about encouraging women, especially moms; encouraging them through her gift of transparency and humor. Her nonfiction book, The Radical Sabbatical – How to Journey From Busy to Blessing, Beacon Hill Press, came out in June 2011. Joanne has been published by In Touch, Today's Christian Woman, ParentLife, Kyria, and P31 Woman magazines. She has four children and is married to an amazing man who shares her love of coffee shops and bookstores. You can find her hiding from her kids and housework over at her blogs Blessed and Grace and Truth Living.


Click here to order Joanne's book on Amazon.com.