How To Change Your Husband Or Wife

How to Change Your Husband or Wife

As soon as the ecstacy of the romantic stage of marriage is over, frustration, doubt, and a sense of “Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?” can terrorize a young husband or wife’s heart. The realization that their loved one is not the person they thought they married can lead them to manipulate or coerce them into becoming the kind of person they want them to be (or thought they were). Do you find yourself in that position? If so, here are seven suggestions on how to change your husband or wife.

One, watch them closely to catch them doing something good and helpful. Spend a few quiet moments reflecting on the kind spirit that motivated them to perform such a gracious act. Give yourself a few moments to let the things that irritate you about your spouse slip away so you can concentrate on what is good.

Two, do at least one thing everyday that you know your spouse likes. It could be cooking a meal, cleaning part of the house, wearing a certain outfit, taking them out to eat, attending a ball game, or anything else you know he/she likes. Perform your task with a genuine sense of joy, knowing you are doing something for the simple reason of pleasing your partner.

Three, take a look at yourself. Try to discover anything you may be doing to hinder the honesty, intimacy and pleasantness of the relationship. Do you constantly find fault? Do you criticize? Are you ungrateful? Are you forgetful of the reasons that initially attracted you to this person? Have you forgotten the vow to love for better or worse? Are you selfish?

Four, pick one of the personality or character flaws you have identified in yourself and devote a month to work on it. If you identified a tendency to criticize your mate, dedicate the next month to not saying anything that could be construed as critical or judgmental. Nothing, period. If the urge to criticize becomes too strong, leave the room. If you are selfish, submerge your will and allow your spouse to have his/her way. For at least thirty days take the back seat willingly and joyfully. A begrudging spirit, one that says, “Ok, if I have to,” doesn’t count. If another flaw is a lack of gratitude, devote yourself to finding reasons to be thankful for the spouse you chose.

Photo compliments of Amy Free Photography

Five, pray fervently for the next thirty days that God blesses your efforts to change for the better. Work and pray; pray and work. Personal improvement and prayer does not end at the end of the month. When the period is over, pick another flaw and devote thirty days to working on it.

Six, keep your personal inventory, self-improvement and prayer to yourself. Do not use this as an attempt to impress your spouse or to leverage for advantage. Do not use it to guilt or manipulate them into changing. That would ruin the very purpose of the exercises. Keep it to yourself, expecting nothing from your partner.

Seven, compliment your spouse, sincerely, at least once everyday. Now that you realize you have your own slate of problems, and you contribute to some of the difficulties in the relationship, it should be easier to be genuinely appreciative of something your spouse does.

Work these seven steps faithfully, and there is some hope your spouse will change. As you become an easier and more gracious person to live with, your husband/wife will likely notice the difference and may just make the effort to become the person you need them to be, even without your demands and coercion. But, even if they don’t change, you will.

Joe Beam says, “You are the only person you have real control over. So instead of trying to change your mate into the perfect human specimen, look inward. What is it about yourself you need to work on to make you a healthier, happier and kinder individual?” http://www.marriagehelper.com/

Thanks for reading. Please feel free to give any feedback or suggestions.

Warren Baldwin


David C Brown said...

Still needing to work on it as we approach our 37th anniversary!

Warren said...

Thanks, David. We doing the same at 32.

Amy said...

Awesome points. Thank you!! We need stop working at a good marriage.